Wednesday, September 26, 2007


I'm in a really terrible mood. I'm not sure when it happened. I was in a fine mood earlier today. But after leaving my Applied Anthropology class I discovered as I was talking to various people that I am just feeling very bitchy and blah.

Currently I'm kind of planning on skipping the hockey class I have in half an hour. I have no good reason except that I just don't feel like going. I really enjoy the second half of class when we scrimmage (even though I am not AT ALL good, it's fun.) But I don't really enjoy the skills drills at all. I am easily the worst person in the class. Kelly G. might argue with me on that fact about which one of us gets the honor, but I think it's me. I'm slow, and not picking up the skills nearly as quickly as everyone else.

I should just practice more between class, but it is harder to motivate myself to do when it's walking over to skate inside stinky WFSC and not going out to Westchester or something like that.

I want to be good, or at least adequate, at skating and playing so that I can play on a rec team. That's why I signed up for the class, so I should go and practice, right?
But, I have far too big an ego and I'm way too competitive for my own good. That's really my problem.

I do not like being bad at things. I especially don't like being abysmal at things. And even more specifically, I am way too concerned about being a "girl." I HATE being bad at things that girls are stereotypically bad at, like sports.

I have always felt as though, based on my personality and interests, sports are things at which I should be good. But, generally, they just aren't. Generally, I throw like a girl, and that translates into most of my other athletic endeavors too. Sometimes I blame it on lack of exposure as a child...and maybe that's it. But maybe it is just that I lack that kind of aptitude and don't want to admit it.

So, instead of sucking up the pride and practicing so I can actually gain some skill, what do I feel like doing? I feel like quitting so it isn't so painfully obvious how much I suck.

Right now I'm working on talking myself into going to class today (if for no other reason that so Kelly doesn't hate me!) and out of dropping the class all together.

But, with my general mood right now...I don't know how effective that is going to be.

1 comment:

Trav said...

Maybe if you went to PRACTICE more you wouldn't suck so hard ;)